I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
