so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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