I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Drunk is not a location!
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
