I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
