you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
