Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
