This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
