During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Randomize
