she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
