i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
