I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
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