He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize