Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
