my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
