are you still at the devil's house?
I'm gonna have a badass scar
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
