it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
The beer is more important than you right now.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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