you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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