Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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