Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
he just fucked me for my cheese.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
