We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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