I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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