I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
where does the pee come out of this thing
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
