the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
