they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
tell me about the fingering
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
