I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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