Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
