just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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