Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
