Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
