i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
