That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
