If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
