Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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