Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
