He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
