Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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