Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
