Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
