You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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