just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
