dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm too high and old for this...
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
