I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
