yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
