so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
