hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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