it wasn't lemon gatorade
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
