Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize