If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
