When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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