I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
