You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
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You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
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hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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