just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
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and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
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Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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