I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
