Have you finally orgasmed yet?
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
