I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Drunk walkin through police station. America
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
