great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Randomize
