20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
