Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
