and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
