If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
