I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
