I want to make a zoo with you.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Say something about gay babies.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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