if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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