I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
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