I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
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I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
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I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.