Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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