she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Randomize
